Ever feel like you’re tripping over your own feet when it comes to reaching your goals? You’re not alone! Many of us have that nagging feeling of standing in our own way. But guess what? There’s a method to tackle this and make real progress.

First, let’s talk about the systems we’re part of. Think of your family—both the one you were born into and the one you create as an adult. Families are super important because they’re where we get and pass on life. For example, I remember a client who struggled with work-related stress. By examining her family dynamics, we discovered she felt a need to please her parents by being a high achiever. This realization helped her understand why she pushed herself so hard and how to set healthier boundaries.

Next up is our work system, which helps us survive and thrive. I once worked with a manager who felt overwhelmed by his job. By looking at his workplace relationships, we found that his need for approval from his boss led him to take on too much work. Understanding this helped him delegate tasks more effectively and reduce stress.

But just as crucial is our intrapersonal system—the relationship we have with ourselves. This starts forming when we’re kids and is made up of different parts of our personality that we’ve developed to protect ourselves. For instance, one client had a confident go-getter side that clashed with her sensitive artist side. She felt torn between pursuing a high-powered career and her passion for painting. By acknowledging and respecting both parts, she found a way to integrate her artistic side into her professional life, leading to greater fulfillment.

If you feel like you’re blocking your own path, it might be because of an inner conflict between these different parts of your personality. Your personal goals might be important to one part of you but not to another. To figure this out, we can set up a constellation—a method where we represent these different parts of you as if they were separate people. By looking at how they interact and getting feedback from each “representative,” you can gain insight into what’s going on inside.

For example, imagine setting up a constellation with representatives for your ambitious side, your family responsibilities, and your desire for relaxation. You might find that your ambitious side is constantly overshadowing the need for relaxation, leading to burnout. By seeing this dynamic, you can start to make conscious changes to balance these aspects better.

You can also use individual coaching to dive deeper into understanding these dynamics. It’s all about recognizing and respecting each part of yourself to move forward. Another client I worked with discovered through coaching that his fear of failure was rooted in childhood experiences. By addressing this fear, he was able to take bold steps in his career and achieve his goals.

In summary, the key to achieving your goals might be understanding the systemic relationships both inside and outside of you. By addressing these conflicts, you’ll be taking a big step towards getting out of your own way and reaching your goals.